Holy Push-Ups Batman!

55 minutes of Chest, Shoulders, and Triceps then 16 minutes of Ab Ripper X.  I pushed as hard as I could and by the end I was sobbing! I don't know if I'll be able to hold a pencil tomorrow, but tonight I did my best. That's all . . . Goodnight.

Weigh in ... or NOT !

So this was my first week on the P90X diet and I'm sure some of you are interested to know what the scale read. Alas, this cannot be, for I was a weak soldier in the weightloss war this week.  My week started great, I was writing down everything I ate, tracking my calories and portions of protein, carbs, veggies, ect. Wednessday I treated myself to a little frozen yogurt, very little, and I had a dairy portion to use so it was all good. Then came Thursday... and again, I did well for most of the day. Then the evening came, and so did the rationalizing. I wanted frozen yogurt again, but I had not bought any for my poor carb filled freezer, so sad." Well", thought my well rounded, perfectly will powered mind, " ice cream is EXACTLY like frozen yogurt! Smiles!!" - yes, my brain thought the smiles- wicked brain. I crossed off a dairy and a fat and ate exactly a 1/2 cup (right out of the measuring cup to be sure), and wrote down the 120 calories that were contained fortwith ( ya, I don't knbow if that is a word, or if it's spelled that way, or if it would even be used that way, it just sounded cool). Anyway, at this point I figured I was still good and when I woke up on Friday I was down 2 lbs, woo hoo, so excited. That is when I got a little too sure of myself (I blame it on my brain, remember it had all ready convinced me that yogurt and ice cream were the same thing), and gleefully reminded myself that it was my anniversary. I proceeded to persuade myself that I had been doing so good on my diet and exercise that I could eat whatever I wanted for the rest of the weekend. I know what your thinking, " Sherri, that is a pretty big leap, yogurt, to ice cream, to WHATEVER YOU WANT!" Well what can I say? Why couldn't you have spoken up before? Why couldn't I have one of your rational brains instead of this one that has continually tempted me until I had doubled my wedding weight + 20 something pounds?
Without dragging this out any longer, those of you who have followed me for a while, you know that I can gain abnormally large amounts of weight in a very minimal amount of time. Weigh in at 177lbs, ya, I know, stupid brain. Unfortunately I"ve grown attatched... crooked smiles. Yesterday I started again and did well till after dinner, then my friend who I've told you of before, "left over Father's Day cake" called my name and I ran to it. I knew that this was the wrong choice, I'm not that dilusional, and I and ate a piece as quitely and as quickly as I could, hoping beyond all hope that one of my precious children wouldn't find me and ask me "You're not on your diet right now?"  I hate that question!!! 
I thought long and hard about not posting this week because I'm not real proud of this side myself, but you know what, This is me... This is real!! This is Not an easy journey, but it is a journey I'm going to finish! I've decided, that for a while, I'll have to start posting everything I'm eating again since my own "good sence" hasn't been kicking in. Next week  hopefully, I can post exactly how this new diet is working for me. Thanks for listening... have a great day!

"Just my Thoughts"

Being overweight has it's benefits ... every time I do jumping jacks I have my own cheering section. Unfortunately it is my upper thighs clapping for me, but I take encouragement where I can get it.

Weigh in .....REALLY?

Once again I think I am going to make changes to my diet. I got on the scale this morning and it read 171 lbs. That is totally the WRONG direction... up 2 lbs .. so sad. Am I depressed? Heck no! Should I be? I have busted butt for three weeks and I know, weight up or down, that my body has benifitted from the hard work I've put in. Having said that , something has got to be changed, cause' you better believe I'm not going to do all this work and gain weight. I know myself way to well, and all it will take is waking one morning in a delightfully hormonal mood and my cupboards and refrigerator will shake in fear of the monster released on them. Today, however, I am in control (for the moment) and I think a small change in diet is needed. Ok, maybe not that small, but I tell myself that so I that I know I can do it. I am switching to the P90X diet plan with a few revisions that I might have to adapt as I go along. Biggest difference between what I'll be doing and the actual plan is calories. The plan wants me to eat 1800 calories a day, but I really think they are catering to fit people who want to become super human, not 40lbs overweight. I know that you have to burn 3,000 more cal. than you eat to lose l lb, so right now I will be aiming for 11 to 1300 cal. a day. I will be following the recommended structure of the diet though. A rough explaination would be split up into units of about 100 calories.   5 of protein, 1 fruit, 2 veggie( only 50 cal. each), 2 dairy,1 fat,1 carb,1 snack and 1 condiment. I think this will provide me with some energy I have been missing out on and yet hold me accountable so that not all 1300 cal. come from carbs like they have in the past. This is going to be harder to follow because when you are eating few enough carbs your amounts of food and fats are not limited, as you can see, they are now. Wish me luck... I would really like to NOT gain this next week.
This is the start of week 4 of this excersize program, it is a rest week...but I don't get to rest! Rest week just means that I don't lift weights this week, I still have 6  hour to an hour and a half workouts, we'll see how it goes. Oh, forgot to mention instead 8  8oz glasses of water a day , I need to drink 8  12oz glasses.  The bathroom will quickly become my best friend ... yuck.

Weigh in....

So Monday the scale read 169 lbs.... so I'm headed in the right direction. Some things I've already avoided this week; baked ziti, homemade donuts, fruit pizzas ( the ones you make with sugar cookies, smiles), and homemade bread sticks and pizza. The weight is not coming off super fast with P90X, but everything is firming up rather quickly. I have not missed any workouts yet, and I'm in my third week. I'm still very impressed with the workouts. I have found that I'm not real fond of working out on Saturdays, but I plan on keeping it up. When I started the workouts all of my push ups were done on my knees, I can now do about a third of them the good oldfashioned way. I still think it will be a miracle if I can ever do a pull up, but my goal is to do one before my 40th birthday, so I've got three years... we'll see.
My boys (Anthony & Nathan) have found a new passtime during church. They sit to my sides and play with the extra "soft fat" that hangs from my arms. Some of you might find that gross or depressing, but not me, I have to bring less pens and paper now...... SMILES

"Just my Thoughts"

I've heard that bigger muscles will get hungry and eat your fat so.... I'm all about pumping iron. Lucky muscles...a feast awaits you!

Weigh In...

Ok, here it goes.... the scale read 170 lbs, yes that is up 3 lbs since my last posted, but I will survive. smiles The only thing I'm really bummed about is being knocked out of the 160's when it seems it was so hard to get there in the first place. Well if there is a program that will help me get there, P90X is it. I do think I need to maybe up the amount of carbs I'm eating because I don't want to go into starvation mode and have my body start eating up muscle instead of fat. I'm going to do more snacking on nuts this week and see if I feel a little better. Just in case if haven't stated it enough, I love the P90X program, results or not ( I can't imagine there not being results), this is something I see sticking to.

My butt has been kicked!

So I just finished my sixth day in a row of P90X... wow, every last part of me is sore! I started with the lean program, and I'm so glad I did. They have been great workouts, but nothing so hard that it is discouraging. To me they have been extremely enjoyable in a sweaty, kick butt sort of a way. The hardest thing for me so far was how busy my week was, sometimes I was starting my workouts at 10pm, but I pleased to say I didn't skip a day. My favorite workout was the yoga, it totally was not easy, but in a weird way, calming and exhausting at the same time. I could not do all the moves but I found myself getting excited for the possibility of being able to do all the moves in the future. I'm not a big fan of lifting weights, hopefully these workouts will change my mind, maybe when I start seeing my body change. By the way, I don't think my body will have a choice, if I keep up the program, my body WILL change. For my fist review.... two thumbs way up.
Stayed below 20 carbs a day, vacation weight not coming off as fast as I would like, not quitting anytime soon. smiles

I'm Back

For all those who thought I might've been out of the blogging world for good... I'm back. Note to self... blog when taking a break from dieting 'cause maybe then I exercise a little bit. I don't want this post to sound overly negative at all, because I'm not upset that I took the last two weeks off. I do wish, however, that my body did not rebel like it does. I feel a bit like the staypuff marshmellow man with a sinus infection. I always feel so terrible when I'm not eating what I should, ok, not when I'm eating german chocolate cake balls (I made three different batches in the last two weeks), but soon after I feel yucky. In my over all health, weightloss plan of two years, I might have set myself back a month, but that's OK.
I asked my husband for a workout program called P90X for my birthday and I started it yesterday. Six days a week there are different hour to hour and a half workouts. There are three basic 90 day programs: lean, classic, and doubles. I am planning to do them all in this order. The lean program seems to be easier on the joints, and till I lose another 20 to 25 lbs. I think it's the smartest choice. I did my first workout yesterday and I actually really enjoyed it. There were some things that were a little too difficult, but I'm looking forward to the day that I'll be able to do it all. This might sound funny, but I'm really excited to get right back into my workouts. My short term goal is to lose what I gained in the past two weeks and to feel good in my skin again. I won't post my weight until next week so at least the water gain portion of my weight gain will be gone. I figure it will probably take about three weeks to get back to where I was. (Don't worry, the cake balls were worth it!) Smiles

Stand By.....

Ha Ha ... don't worry haven't forgotten my goals, just taking a mini vacation. I put my pedometer back on today, but Scotty is taking me away at the end of the week so not back to my diet yet. I'll be back with a vengance next week. Enjoy Life!! I'll check in soon.

Change of Plans

I made a decision on Saturday, I decided to take Mother's Day and my Birthday off from my diet. I do realize that this might not speed up my weightloss but it may do a lot for my sanity. With this choice I have also decided not to weigh in until the week after my Birthday. I figured I could probably enjoiy myself a little more if I wasn't worried at what the scale would scream at me the day after. My goal at the end of these two weeks is to have maintained. I weighed myself Saturday morning and I had not gained or lost throughout the week. I know that this will put behind in some of my goals, but I also need to prove to myself that I can take these little breaks and still be OK. I will still report in on my exercise because I know that will be key to maintaining. I hope all had a wonderful Mother's Day.smiles

Gramma Jeans

So I needed to run to walmart last night for allergy meds, for some reason my allergies are crazy awful right now, and I decided it wasn't in a hurry to get home because I still had lots of steps to get in. I was looking around and saw some jeans that said they had a slimming panel and I thought what the heck? and I tried them on. Well I've described my adventures in changing rooms before so I thought I new what I was in for, but to my happiness they totally did not fit...they were too big. I quickly got dressed, went over to where all the jeans were and pcked up 6 different styles of size 10's. Back into the dressing room I went to start trying on all the jeans. Every single one of them fit!!! OK , two of them gave me a muffin top so they weren't very attractive, but still ...SMILES. I might not make my weight goal for my birthday, but check this goal off baby!
 So did I buy any new jeans.... eww no, even when they try to be stylish, walmart jeans look like gramma jeans!! Anyway, besides the point... Happy Day

Weigh In...

I can't believe how busy I've been ! I will try harder  to keep you up to date on what's going on with me, because it is way harder to stay on track when I'm not checking in. I got on the scale yesterday morning with huge hopes of maintaining my 4 lb weightloss from last week. I am very happy to report that the scale said 167lbs. That's right, down another 1/2 lb. This is the first time in 16 years that I have stayed in the 160's for longer than a day. Yipee for me!!
I know some of you are checking up on me, and are happy for me, and would like to into shape, but ... you haven't started yet. I know how hard it is, I've known how hard it is for the past 18yrs but, it is worth it!! Does it get easier? Somedays, but most days, .. no. So don't wait around until a time you think it will be easier, it might not come. I'm hoping to lose all my weight within a two to two and a half year period,  to many of you that may seem like a long time. Heck, to me that seems like a long time, until I look behind me and see that time flies so quickly. It's almost summer, then the hollidays, and then the new year. Is there going to be a new you? Or just more of you to love?? smiles.  If  you think it's easier for me than for you, I don't think that's true. When the alarm went off at 4:40 this morning I struggled, I wanted to go back to sleep, but I didn't. Everyday, all day long, those decisions have to be made. Do I eat this? Do I skip exercise? Am I going to be Happy or Crappy today? At the end of the day you're only accountable to yourself an the Man upstairs. You probably have no idea how nice you can be to yourself when you start reaching your goals, and yes, I'm even talking to those that have low self esteem like me. OK, done preaching for now, just want other people to start feeling better about themselves.... it's nice. Smiles
As a report , I still have not cheated on my diet, not once. I did not exercise all weekend due to a migraine(first one in months, benefits of being healthier, used to get two or three a month), this one was delinately hormonal. Yesterday morning I was back up for my hour walk, and I did a 20 min Jullian workout last night. My steps for yesterday were 15,754, wearing my pedometer has been a good reminder to get up and moving. I want to lose 2lbs this week, don't know if I can, but I'm going to try.

Weigh In..

Big Smiles!!! So totally worth skipping the chocolate covered strawberries(although it did take 3 days to come to that conclusion). I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 167.5lbs, that means I'm down 4 lbs this week!!!! This is big for me, this is the lowest I've weighed since delivering my first son. It has been over 16 years since I've even seen the scale say 168lbs, and I've beat that by a half pound ... YaY! Another thing to be excited about, I think I'm less than 10lbs away from not being considered obese anymore. That will be another happy day.
As a way of reporting, I still have not cheated on my diet, and I have been walking at least 15,000 steps a day. My pedometer is not working, but I'm fairly certain I've been doing enough steps each day. My new pedometer should come in the next day or two, then my count will be more accurate. My goal this week is to maintain my weight, sometimes that's hard to do after a 4lb loss, but that's what I'm going for.
I made cheese stuffed tomatoes yesterday, I think they would have been yummy if I had remembered to prep the tomatoes the right way as shown on the Pioneer Women's blog. I forgot to salt the inside of tomatoes and flip them over to render out some of their juice, so thet turned out kind of mushy. The biggest bummer is that they were supposed to be a special treat for me because I made a bum load of yummy french toast for my kids and hubby. Oh well, let's not forget that I  am down 4lbs!!! Well I'ts a new week, no time to be a slacker, I'm planning on being healthier next Monday than I am today...you??

AAAAHHHGG!!

I JUST TURNED DOWN CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES FROM THE BERRY FACTORY!!!!That was way,way harder than anything I've turned down lately. Low carb cheesecake, low carb cheesecake, low carb cheesecake(see proceeding post). Somebody tell me it is worth it.

Lunch

I'm going out to lunch today at the cheesecake factory, and I'm totally excited. I already went online and picked out my menu items so I don't have to sift through other yummy food when I get there. I am going to have a BLT salad, a yummy steak, and I'll follow it up with a slice of low carb cheesecake. Smiles, Smiles,and more Smiles!

I Cried a Little

For more pictures of my beautiful daughter and her junior prom check out my family blog, Cofessions of Chaos. This blog is all about me and my weightloss journey....  When I saw these pictures I cried a little. For the first time in many, many, MANY years I liked how I looked in a picture ( or 4 pictures). To me I finally look just like any other normal size mom, not perfect, but not enormous. Yeah!! Thanks Ruth, I'm sure some of it has to do with your amazing picture taking abilities. I might not be losing as fast as I want, but eventually I will reach my goals.

"Just my thoughts"

I choose to live by choice, not by chance;

to make changes, not excuses;

to be motivated, not manipulated;

to be useful, not used;

to excel, not compete.

I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.

I choose to listen to the inner voice, not random opinions.

- Unknown

Weigh in

Well it was one those slow weeks, I lost exaclty NOTHING. I weighed in at 171.5 lbs. I lost nothing and gained nothing(good thing). Normally I would be a little more bummed but my church outfit yesterday did wonders for my figure and I got tons of compliments, who cares what the scale said this morning.SMILES. Once again I show that it really doesn't take very much to make myself happy. I forgot my pedometer on Saturday so I don't know how many steps I did but I know it wasn't enough because I spent at least three hours of the day doing hair for the prom. Pictures to be posted as soon as I get them on my Confessions of Chaos blog.
As a way of checking in I should record that I have not cheated, even once, on my low carb diet since beginning it again last month. As an example of a typical Sunday afternoon, and the temptations that just about kill me, I made the family lasagna, garlic bread, corn , and a salad. I made myself, fish (not my favorite, but it is supposed to be good for me), and salad. For those of you who adore fish, this probably doesn't seem too bad, but for me ... I ADORE CARBS!!! ok, ok I got that out of my system, and I did live through yesterday, and I will live through today. My only question is will it EVER get easier???   I'm having fun with the words in CAPS today, is it bugging you yet? My steps for today are up to 9,000 and it's 10am, I have realized that I'm going to have to add back in some of the cardio that was hurting my knee and shoulder because I'm just not seeing the progress I want to with walking only. I'll try not to come up with excuses and do a little extra today,  but then again I am the QUEEN of excuses. Have a good day and make it a good week.... get up and do something .

"Tip of the Day"

Enjoy compliments about your appearence, do not disregard, sometimes we are too critical of ourselves and cannot see or really appreciate the progress we are making. Use the compliments to build yourself up and work yourself harder. This one is a hard one for me, but I'm getting better.

Follow my Family

For those of you who have wanted to know more about what is going on with my family you can follow my family at   http://carlsonconfessionsofchaos.blogspot.com/  Please remember to check in on me here at Sherri's Sharings, you and your comments motivate me daily and I don't want to lose that

Pilates tomorrow instead

I skipped pilates yesterday because I got enough activity in. I almost doubled my step goal, I ended up with over  27,000 steps. I went for my walk and then played eighteen holes of golf. This morning I was up at 5am for my walk, my body rebelled from the time I took my first step. It was one of the harder workouts I have done in a while. My body is so sore, I was able to get a two hr massage this afternoon, but after that I did absolutely nothing. I ended up with only 11,230 steps, but my body is still hurting. Wouldn't it be cool if the whole time your body was sore it was burning more fat and calories. I would be able to get away with exercising hard once or twice a week, oooooo dreamy. Time to get to sleep, I'm supposed to get at least 7 hrs of sleep a night and it's already too late for tonight.

Weigh in...

Finally some progress ...yay! When I got on the scale this morning I was 171.5lbs, that means I'm down 2.5lbs. My pedometer has motivated me to get up and get moving. Friday I did over 20,000 steps, Saturday over 17,000. Today I struggled a little but I did not get into bed until I had reached 15,000. Tomorrow I want to get at least 15,000 and  do 40 minutes of Pilates. Who's with me, I want to work hard this week and see what results I can get. I tried on a bathing suit yesterday and let's just say it's going to take A LOT of hard work. Bring it On!!

"Just my thoughts"

You know those puzzles that have three different pieces.  A head, middle, and bottom that can be miss matched with other heads, middles, and bottoms? Well  I feel like I've got the right head and at least my middle is human, but how the heck did I get stuck with this hippo butt?

More motivation needed

I don't know what my problem is but my lack of motivation is not motivating me. Really? you ask. Sorry but that is the only way I can explain it. This week my only motivation to exercise has come from this blog. I'm so thankful to those who keep checking in on me, you've made a difference. That being said I need more of an inner desire to accomplish my goals, over all I know I've done pretty good, but all it takes are a couple of weeks of not losing weight to get me down. I've stated it before, my mind is a rollercoaster, it changes from day to day, and right now I just need some covincing to throw my hands up in the air, scream, and enjoy the ride. I've decided to join a couple of my sisters and put my pedometer back on. I haven't worn it in more than a year because at one time I didn't need the extra push, I was way self-motivated. My week has played out a little like this... wake up at 6am, skpping morning exercise, instead of 5am like I should, go to work, come home, go to various track meets and golf tournaments to watch my kids, come home and veg, around 9:30pm I think to myself ...CRAP, I didn't exercise yet and I'm going to have to blog that. That thought at least produces a little work out, last night it was 30 minutes, pathetic!!smiles. So my starting goal  will be 15,000 steps. When I was really doing well I was walking 23 to 24,000 steps a day. I don't know if I can do that with a job that requires me to literally sit on my butt for 5 hours, but I can always make higher goals later. So let the games begin...  ya, I totally agree, that was stupid.... how 'bout... here's to new motivation. smiles

My favorites

Thought I'd share my favorite workouts. These three do a really good job of combining strength trainig and cardio. The 30 day shred has three 20 min workouts, the other two are 50 min workouts. Jillian will kick your butt!

Mari Winsor Pilates is my absolute favorite for firming and strengthening my tummy.

This new system comes with at least 4 dvds, a weight bar and bands. Love it!

I got 40 min of exercise in on Monday, 3hrs of golf on Tuesday,and 40 minutes of strength training today. I will try to do more than 40 min tomorrow, I really need to start getting closer to 2hrs a day if I want to meet my goals

Weigh in...

Well I was really hoping for big loss this week but, no, I weighed 174lbs this morning, that means I'm only down .5lbs. I guess I still need to look for the positive, I didn't gain, and there is less of me this week than last, unfortunatley, it is from my chest because I'm no longer hormonal. I could have sworn I dropped more than a half pound of boobbage. After Wednessday I only worked out once and that was Sat. morning and only a two mile walk. As I stated in my last post my kids have been on spring break and I felt really bad about coming home after  being gone half the day at work and then taking more 'me' time to exercise. So, right or wrong, I played lots of board games instead. I know what your thinking, dah, you didn't lose weight, you didn't exercise!  I know this, really I do, but in the past my low carb weight loss isn't totally dependant on exercise, maybe that has changed, and I was so good on the food side of things. I think instead of writing down the things I ate, which are boring and under 20 carbs per day, I'll write down some of the things I didn't eat this Easter weekend. Things I avoided completely... all candy, my yummy peanut butter chocolate butterscotch krispy treats, blueberry scones, waffles, cheesy potatoes, rolls, three different kinds of pie, and sparkling cider. Those are things I skipped just yesterday, so in my mind somehow that computed to be about 5 lbs weight loss. What the heck, that's not how it works, really?  I'm not bitter or anything, I really didn't want any of it anyway, says the fat chick who has made a career out of eating lots of really yummy food. smiles (really I'm smiling). Here's to baby steps, may I not be completely old and ugly by the time I can fit into super cute clothes. Have a great day and.... I'm not giving up!

"Tip of the day"

Do you ever get the munchies? Way stupid question, ofcourse you do. So how do you eat right & eat right away? Answer: prepare and portion in advance. Pick healthy and yummy food and divide and package it in snack size portions, some salty and some sweet so you're ready for whatever craving hits. If healthy snacks are just as easy to grab as chips or a Ho Ho there is a greater chance that with a little effort the munchies can be guilt free.

Time flies

I can't believe it is already Wednessday night, the days are flying by. This week has been spring break for my kids and it has kinda messed up my schedule, from changing the time I get up, to moving things around after work. Monday I did a 50min workout, Tuesday a 4 mile walk - 60min, and today I got a two hr massage instead of exercise. I know, tough life. I'll only mention the food I ate that wasn't basic meat and veggies, but I have stayed under 20 carbs a day. On Monday I made a yummy crustless quiche that consisted of eggs and lots of different cheeses, green onions, and fried salt pork. I made a 9 x 13 then cut up portions and put them in baggies so that I could grab a portion easy whenever I was hungry. I also made myself a crustless low carb cheesecake with 2 eggs 1 egg yolk, 1 cup splenda, 3 cream cheese bricks, 1/4 mixed cup of cream and water and, some vanilla and lemon juice. The only items that even had carbs were the cream cheese and lemon juice. The way I made it , it was less than 3 carbs per slice, but oh so good.

forgot to mention

Saturday night I had to make a last minute run to super walmart for stuff needed for my Sunday lesson. I can't seem to go to the store and not look around, I think part of it is just the quiet time. Anyway, I saw a pair of cute black capris and I thought I should try some on. I don't really have extra money so I knew I could not buy them unless I could buy them in a smaller size, oops, should not have gone there. I grabbed a pair of 8 - 10's, I totally should've known better. There I was, at walmart, at 11:30pm(not my skinniest time of day) standing in the dressing room with a positive attitude ..Ha Ha. So I stepped into them one foot at a time, you know, the usual way, and started pulling them up. I made it past my ankles and knees with hardly any effort, searching for the positive can't you tell? My thighs presented a much Bigger problem (literally). There is nothing more hilariously gross then shimmying way too much flesh into something smaller than itself. I was determined so onward I went, bouncing, shoving, shaking, and tucking as much of myself into these capris as I could. Wonders of wonders, they went up. It was not comfortable, infact I couldn't move, but they were up. I used newly aquired arm muscles to button up, I was scared that the button was going to go flying so I sucked in as much as I could. Last project, zipping the zipper. It is harder than one would think to push your belly in with hand because at this point my blubbery belly had only one escape route( the zipper hole), and then use the other hand to pull the zipper up, very ...slowly. Success!!! You think I would be really depressed at the way I looked, but no, I had accomplished the impossible. Did I buy the pants, ofcourse not!, they hurt and looked ridiculous!! But I left walmart happy, go figure. I make myself happy way too easy. New goal ... fit a size 10 by my birthday ... that's 6 weeks. Yay!!